


The infinite curse of a lonely heart

by kewlwarez



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 10:16:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20006659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kewlwarez/pseuds/kewlwarez
Summary: As another HaroHapi practise session devolves into chaos, Seta Karou is watching Misaki, sweat glistening on her perfect muscular arms, thinking about how she developed her princely personage, following the line a drop of sweat makes on Misaki's collar bones as it slowly travels down her chest and how she wishes she was that sweat drop, and the people who inspired her to become the woman she is today.





	The infinite curse of a lonely heart

As she watched Misaki try to talk Kokoro out of shooting Hagumi out of a canon onto the stage for their next live, Hagumi herself seeing no harm in the idea, Kaoru thought that she definitely had a type. Most people who knew her suspected she liked the shy, sensitive girls like Kanon, currently letting out a soft "fuee" as she assisted Misaki into talking the baka twins out of their plan. And it was true that Kaoru had a soft spot in her heart for a sweet princess like her or Rimi-chan, girls who worked hard to chase their dreams despite their natural timidity. 

But those were not the kind of girl who got her heart beating faster. 

Those less sympathetic, like Chisato at her most annoyed, just assumed she'd flirt with any girl that still had a pulse. "You don't care which little kittens" (said with a sneer) "it is, as long as there's someone to flirt with, do you Kaoru" had been Chisato's angry question the last time an attempted date had been ruined for her by some of Kaoru's overly enthusiastic fans. It had been a bad day and Chisato still wasn't speaking to her two weeks later. She wasn't sure how to make up to her. The innate chivalry of her princely persona meant she found it hard to refuse her fans, but she knew she had to balance their needs with those of Chisato. Chi-chan was prone to be jealous after all, loath to share her even if they weren't in any formal relationship. 

"Ahh, jealousy can be a purple eyed monster too!" 

Her eyes following every movement of Misaki's sweat glistening arms as she caught a Hagumi in the middle of enacting how she would land on the stage after being shot out of Kokoro's cannon, Kaoru mused about what she needed to do to get back in Chisato's good graces. She wanted to ask Kanon about it, seeing as she was arguably Chisato's best friend. Which hurt a bit, no matter how much she liked both. There had been a time after all when she could've proudly claimed that title. But that was a long time ago and the Kao-chan she was then has been gone for a long time.

Argument resolved, Kokoro and Hagumi going back to practise while Kanon handed Misaki a towel to wipe the sweat of her nicely muscled body, Kaoru tried to concentrate on the new song they were attempting to master. It didn't last long, not two minutes in and Kokoro had dragged Misaki away into a corner of the studio to explain how they needed to change it to have more "to-kay!" and "ba-doom" to really make people smile. A slight frown creased Kaoru's impeccable brow, as if she was envious of the intense focus Misaki aimed at Kokoro. Kaoru couldn't help a small smile, as she saw how little effort it took Misaki to interpret Kokoro's noises and rework the song to be more upbeat and funkier. 

She envied that strength of Misaki's, that ability to not just understand Kokoro but learn how to compose just to make her and her HaruHappy band members happy. It was as deeply a creative endaveour as her own adventures on the stage, but Kaoru couldn't help feeling that Misaki's was more genuine. In her lowest moments Kaoru couldn't help but feel that her princely persona was as fake as her most cynical critics said it was. 

She certainly wasn't born with it. As a child had been frail and timid, few friends other than Chisato. Chisato had seen something in her that she herself had been unaware of, something she had vowed to be worthy of. When Chisato had moved away to pursue her career as an actor and idol, Kaoru no longer had her to shield her, had needed to become the girl Chisato had thought she was. That had been the catalyst, but Kaoru had been uncertain how to achieve it. She wasn't as strong as her, could not achieve that effortless femininity. Where Chisato had inborn talent, Kaoru had to fake it. She wanted to be as strong and elegant as Chi-chan, but she couldn't do it the same way. She was too shy, too gangly, her body wasn't suited to be the kind of girl Chisato was. 

Deciding what kind of girl she could be took most of middle school, not helped by her growth spurt that made her stand out even more than she already did. She wanted to be the kind of girl that nobody ever doubted was a girl, but no matter how she tried, she found that it didn't work if she tried to imitate the other girls in her class. What did work was something she found out only slowly. 

The first seed had been shown when her parents had taken her to a stage play that had come to their town. It had been confusing, about an empress obsessed with Death, or in love with Death, there had been songs and dancing and she hadn't fully understood it. What stood out was her sudden realisation that the actor playing Death was in fact, a woman, that the sombre, handsome prince she had admired on stage was actually female. "You can do that too?"

The second had been not long after, when she had been at the local festival watching the taiko drums, being entranced by this one red haired boy hitting them as hard and as fast as the older men, the "soiya soiya" chant shouted loud and clear. A little girl watching next to her had proudly told everybody in the vicinity that that was her big sister, "the best drummer in the world". Seeing the sweat glisten on the drummer's well muscled arms and legs, Kaoru had two revelations. "Oh, so you don't need to be girly to be a girl." Watching the drummer girl some more, "Oh... Oh... I think I like girls."

Having taken up acting in the meantime, both at school and at any amateur drama club that would have her, had helped Kaoru finalise her new persona. With her lengths and her looks, she found herself mainly cast in boy roles and as her acting talent grew, this increasingly meant playing the love interest or prince. She found herself liking this so much that it started to carry over in her daily life. If she looked a prince, talked like a prince and acted like one, she could find the elegance she so admired in Chisato. If she had the kindness and gentleness of a fairy tale prince, she could find the strength she needed to be worthy of Chisato by bringing joy and smiles to all those girls longing to be a princess. 

Even if it was fake, even if it was a mask, by becoming a prince Kaoru finally felt she could be a real girl, each fan a validation. Being a prince made her feel accepted like she had never been when she was still Kao-chan, even when Chisato turned out to be less than thrilled with her changes. That had hurt, she had to admit. It tapped directly in her fear of being outed as a phony, a charlatan. Even now she was still scared people could look through her and see the pathetic child she was.

People sneering at or being turned off by her princely persona didn't bother Kaoru. What scared her deeply was people who could look beyond it to the real Kaoru, who could look beyond the mask and judge her for it. She had been so fortunate that those who did look beyond it had been kind. Maya had been the first, the first friend she had made in high school, a bond forged when they'd both applied to the theatre club. Kaoru had been her princely best and the theatre members had eaten it up, but Maya had not been affected. She had accepted Kaoru as she was in the same calm manner with which she handled everything. Kaoru had almost fallen in love, even more so as she discovered how well strong she was, effortlessly carrying two light rigs when she herself could barely manage one. That first year Maya had been Kaoru's secret crush, but over time it had mellowed out into a strong friendship. 

A friendship that might have helped Chisato to be more accepting of the new Kaoru, as she discovered when she had managed to persuade Chisato to be in a play with her. Seeing how well Maya took Kaoru at her most exuberant had helped mellow Chisato. 

Maya wasn't the only friend Kaoru had to thank for this. Thanks to her entering the same school as her, Kaoru had finally gotten to know the red headed drummer girl that had so impressed her years ago. Udagawa Tomoe, "Haneoka's second prince", who had all of the first and second years, as well as some of the third years swooning like they swooned for her. Butch, brash, outgoing and completely unaware of how many girls lusted after her, she was an entirely different sort of prince from Kaoru's carefully constructed elegance. It made her a bit envious at first, but she quickly realised how good a friend she could be. To be honest, her looks helped. Kaoru never knew drumming could give you such tight abs. 

When Tomoe helped her out on White Day putting on a play for all her little kittens, Kaoru gained a friend and once again it helped mellow Chisato's attitude to her. Tomoe's straightforwardness brought out her own goofier side and Chisato seemed to like that. 

Kaoru could've easily fallen in love with Tomoe was it not for one simple fact. She was in love already. She suspected it was a futile love, because she was sure the object of her affections was herself smitten by somebody else. Yes, she had seen the soft looks Misaki had given Kanon when she thought nobody was watching. She'd also seen how Kanon worried about Misaki in turn, so she suspected their love was mutual. When that had become clear, she had decided there and then to support their love and forget about her own. Ahh, what was more princely, more fleeting than to sacrifice one's own heart for those of your closest friends?

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, this is pretty much a "Kaoru is thinking about stuff" sort of fic.


End file.
